So, this isn’t like my usual posts this is something I wrote at university. The idea came to me during an exercise where we had to look at pictures of random objects and write about them. I got a door and a fist and it made me think of the old excuse of “i walked into a door”. I have dwelling over posting this for months but here it is. Feel free to give any feedback!
Men like you make girls like me clumsy.
When we first met you opened every door for me and made sure to hold open the super heavy ones in the school hallways to make sure that they never hit me. You were the epitome of gentlemanly. I truly thought it was fate when we met. I was smitten and you knew it. It took a while for me to realise what you were doing but by the time I did, it was too late. I was trapped. I came to see that you only held doors open for me just so you could lock it behind me, I had never even heard the key turn, you were subtle.
After breaking my way through every single one of those doors I realised that I had no way of avoiding what you did but it made me start to think about men like you and women like me.
We start walking into doors, we don’t even notice it at first. People have their suspicions but we tell them we just need to watch where we are going. The first time I walked into the door, I was so confused and hurt, I couldn’t figure out where it had come from because it wasn’t there before. After that, I started expecting the doors so I figured out what I had to do to avoid them, I just kept thinking to myself again and again that I should have been watching where I was going in the first place, it never occurred to me that the door was to blame especially when you were there kissing it better, promising me that it was just an accident.
It’s not until we leave that we notice that those doors appeared out of nowhere, we couldn’t avoid them because they moved and switched without us realising. Then we realise that men like you make the doors appear so that we couldn’t leave, you made us too scared of the doors so that we couldn’t just walk through them and be free.
There are so many different doors that trap us. Some are stuck in a revolving door, going round and round the same way for years, always just missing their chance to jump out and run. Some of us are trapped by doors on timers. When the door is open they are hesitant to step over the threshold because you change long enough to distract them and before they know it, the door is locked again and they are prisoners to this routine. Sometimes you bait us into opening the door, just a little just so you can slam it in our faces and trap our fingers, making us too scared to ever attempt it again.
But eventually, we all leave. One way or another. You don’t get to win. We don’t miss you, we miss ourselves, we miss the people we were before you came into our lives. We will always miss ourselves more than we will ever miss you.
Now I have met someone who holds doors open for me and I always find myself checking to make sure he doesn’t lock it behind me but instead of getting mad and walking away, he just stands and holds the door for as long as it takes me to realise that he won’t close it or lock it. He even gives me the key.