Clumsy girls

So, this isn’t like my usual posts this is something I wrote at university. The idea came to me during an exercise where we had to look at pictures of random objects and write about them. I got a door and a fist and it made me think of the old excuse of “i walked into a door”.  I have dwelling over posting this for months but here it is. Feel free to give any feedback!

Men like you make girls like me clumsy.

When we first met you opened every door for me and made sure to hold open the super heavy ones in the school hallways to make sure that they never hit me. You were the epitome of gentlemanly. I truly thought it was fate when we met. I was smitten and you knew it. It took a while for me to realise what you were doing but by the time I did, it was too late. I was trapped. I came to see that you only held doors open for me just so you could lock it behind me, I had never even heard the key turn, you were subtle.

After breaking my way through every single one of those doors I realised that I had no way of avoiding what you did but it made me start to think about men like you and women like me.

We start walking into doors, we don’t even notice it at first. People have their suspicions but we tell them we just need to watch where we are going. The first time I walked into the door, I was so confused and hurt, I couldn’t figure out where it had come from because it wasn’t there before. After that, I started expecting the doors so I figured out what I had to do to avoid them, I just kept thinking to myself again and again that I should have been watching where I was going in the first place, it never occurred to me that the door was to blame especially when you were there kissing it better, promising me that it was just an accident.

It’s not until we leave that we notice that those doors appeared out of nowhere, we couldn’t avoid them because they moved and switched without us realising. Then we realise that men like you make the doors appear so that we couldn’t leave, you made us too scared of the doors so that we couldn’t just walk through them and be free.

There are so many different doors that trap us. Some are stuck in a revolving door, going round and round the same way for years, always just missing their chance to jump out and run. Some of us are trapped by doors on timers. When the door is open they are hesitant to step over the threshold because you change long enough to distract them and before they know it, the door is locked again and they are prisoners to this routine. Sometimes you bait us into opening the door, just a little just so you can slam it in our faces and trap our fingers, making us too scared to ever attempt it again.

But eventually, we all leave. One way or another. You don’t get to win. We don’t miss you, we miss ourselves, we miss the people we were before you came into our lives. We will always miss ourselves more than we will ever miss you.

Now I have met someone who holds doors open for me and I always find myself checking to make sure he doesn’t lock it behind me but instead of getting mad and walking away, he just stands and holds the door for as long as it takes me to realise that he won’t close it or lock it. He even gives me the key.

20 lessons I learnt this summer

It’s been a while. I really fell out of the swing of things but hopefully, I can get myself back on track and get back into this blog because I adore everything about it so here I am, back again!

So, last month I turned 20. I am not happy with this as it makes me a real adult and I am not emotionally prepared for that level of responsibility but hey-ho. But it did get me thinking about all the lessons I have learnt over the summer that I will take into my 20s with me and never forget.

  1. That there is nothing in this world that’s worth losing your best friend over. (Just stop being a dick).
  2. That if you talk about your best friend too much at family functions your aunties will start a conspiracy about your sexuality.
  3. Sometimes you can meet someone at the wrong time and then again at the right time. I recently started talking to an old friend and I think it’s fair to say that we weren’t that great the first time around but now seeing how much we’ve both grown and matured shows that sometimes you just gotta wait and find each other again.
  4. That it’s ok to slow down and take some time off to just sit and do nothing for a while.
  5. That the unplanned nights out are lethal and will write you off for at least a week.
  6. Just because you CAN drink for 24 hours doesn’t mean that you should.
  7. Sometimes you just have to say “fuck it” and take a risk or make a plan you’re too scared to make. I am going to see Dear Evan Hansen in London next year because we finally said “fuck it” and booked it.
  8. I learnt that you can’t help everyone. This one is really hard for me as I love to help people or try and fix all their problems but sometimes that’s just not possible and it’s sad but that’s just life.
  9. That you can’t let the past define your present or your future, you can’t spend life looking back over your shoulder because you’ll just miss out on the better and bigger things that are waiting for you.
  10. That it’s never too late to get to know someone, there’s always something new.
  11. That going off the rails is not a healthy coping mechanism, also is there a science behind why wine hangovers are so much worse than normal hangovers.
  12. That honesty is always the best policy whether that be in your job, to yourself or anyone in your life.
  13. That you can’t always be liked by people. Some people are just too different and that’s fine and not everyone is going to like you or your personality.
  14. That getting the help you need is so important and knowing when you need help is so important. There is no shame in admitting that you are struggling.
  15. You have to give as much as you get in this life.
  16. Support your friends and their dreams until the very end! 
  17. Olives aren’t that bad and at the grand old age of 20, I need to start trying new food because I don’t think you can survive off of crisp sandwiches.
  18. That you don’t always have to get blackout drunk on a night out, you can go home before 6 am and still have a good night!
  19. A night out with my cousins is probably the most fun! Irish dancing and shots till 1 am and then lying to your aunties about how much you drank in the morning even though you are all adults!
  20. Get more pictures. I got a disposable camera for my 20th and take a million and one photos on nights out. There’s just something about going back through them and cringing, crying or laughing at them all.

What are somethings that you’ve learnt this summer? I would love to read them in the comments! Thank you for being so patient whilst I took some time off but I’m back into this and have a lot more posts planned out. I hope you’ve all had an amazing summer and that 2019 continues being your best year!


Summer 2019

Hi everyone,
I am so sorry about the lack of posts recently, recently I’ve been going through a bit of a slump mentally and with my writing, but I am back! I cannot wait to get back into posting and talking to you guys!
So as most of you know from my previous blog “I can’t wait for summer” Summer is my favourite time of the year and now that it’s officially summer I thought I would talk to you about my plans for summer 2019. I started my summer by getting my nose pierced and dying my hair bright yellow which is the peak of readiness for me.
So this summer I turn 20 which means other than crying over the fact that I’ll be a “real” adult I will be having a party and by party I mean a small group of us are going to sit in and drink gin and cheap wine like the true introverts we are. I spent May going out a lot more which has led to a few questionable decisions like walking home at 6:30 am, rocking up back home at 9 am and drinking a full bottle of wine in the space of an hour and spending the next day with my head in the toilet. I have learnt that the nights out that you don’t plan are the ones that end up being the best ones and the ones where you end up in the worst states! But here’s to many more of these nights and the lack of memories that come with them!
I will also be travelling to Edinburgh and Dunbar to visit my family, whilst there I will be going to enjoy the Edinburgh Festival, this is something I have been doing for years since my family live there, it’s always a really interesting time walking around and checking out the street artists and supporting local businesses, this year I will be going to my first show at the festival which should be amazing! If you ever have the chance to go to the festival you really should as it’s such an amazing experience and Edinburgh is so beautiful. The Edinburgh Dungeons is a personal favourite of mine and something everyone should do as it’s hilarious especially if you take someone who is quite jumpy.
I am also hopefully going to be doing a bit of travelling with my friends, this isn’t something I have ever done before, the last time I went abroad was when I was still in high school which was about 5 years ago so this is something I am 100% looking forward to. Thailand is somewhere that I would absolutely love to go, a lot of my family have lived there and travelled there so I’m hopefully going out there this year! Is there anywhere specific we should look into going to? Would love to hear about your travels and your stories! This summer I am really wanting to step out of my comfort zone and try new things and see new places without worrying.
Apologies again for the late upload, I will be posting regularly again from now on. As always, make this year your best one yet.

My favourite poetry book

Hello again! I’m sorry it’s been a while, I’ve spent the last month editing and polishing up my final university short story, I may post it on the blog if it’s something anyone would be interested in reading. My posts should go back to being regular from this week on.
Today I wanted to talk about the “Women are some kind of magic” series created by author Amanda Lovelace, I first discovered Amanda’s writing on Instagram and after reading a few poems from her first book “The Princess saves herself in this one” about 18 months ago I just knew I had to go and buy it. I now have all three books from the series and they have all caught my heart in totally different ways, they all have many dogeared pages and I find myself constantly going back to them whenever I’m sad and need picking up as well as constantly recommending them to friends.

I wanted to talk about this series as I bought the last book “The mermaid’s voice returns in this one” in the collection yesterday and wasn’t able to put it down, it has quickly become one of my firm favourites. All of Amanda’s books cover a wide range of topics from Feminism to Abuse, every poem is from the heart and it’s made very clear to the reader that Lovelace really cares about these topics and they are things she wants to raise awareness of. What I love about this series is that it is clearly inspiring, it can help people see that they are not alone in their situations and even validate feelings that they don’t realise other people also go through. These books have helped me on my rainiest of days, making me feel better as well as not alone, they are incredibly empowering and I cannot suggest them highly enough to anyone struggling as they are the perfect pick-me-up. Something i really enjoy about Amanda’s writing is how she writes her poems, that they take all shapes and sizes yet it doesn’t take away from the content of the poem if anything this adds to it, making the reader search a little deeper for the meaning. something else that i adore about her writing is that although it’s simple and straight to the point it’s still incredibly powerful which for me personally is how I prefer poetry to be but she has nailed that line completely.

I won’t go into detail or share any of the poems as I feel that you should go check out Amanda on her social media (links below) because I don’t want to take away any of the magic that comes from sitting down and reading them in their entirety. Every single poem was written is designed to help people and that’s exactly what they do and I have the most utmost respect for Amanda for talking about such hard issues such as sexual assault and child abuse as well as including a trigger warning at the start of the books to help her readers, this isn’t something you see in many books.
I have never been one for writing poetry but Amanda has inspired me to give it a go and I think that everyone who has the chance should go and read this series! If you already have please let me know in the comments below what you thought and share your favourite poems or poets! I would love to talk with you about them and read any of your suggestions.

Thank you for reading and as always, I hope this year is your year!

Amanda’s Social;
Instagram; Ladybookmad
Twitter; @ladybookmad

My March

My apologies for being a week late with this post, I have just been swamped with uni work and a very impromptu decorating project. Before I start on my post I would like to say thank you to all for 100 likes on my blog, those small victories honestly make my day and give me all the motivation I need to continue with my tiny blog! So thank you!

So, what’s happened in the last few weeks, well, I finished therapy. 10 weeks ago I started CBT therapy to help me with my anxiety, now I am going to make an entire blog post dedicated to this but for now, let me just say; it is completely worth it. I feel the calmest I have felt in years, I feel like I can actually handle situations in a rational way and get through my days quicker because I’m not spending so much time in my own head stressing myself out. I will be writing a full post on this and what the individual’s sessions were like for me!

I started decorating my room! This is such a huge deal for anyone that knows me. My room had 2 black walls and 2 blue walls, the black was because my lil emo heart thought it would be so cool (it wasn’t) and the blue walls were due to me never actually buying white paint because I am the queen of procrastination. My twin and I have spent the last week stripping all the wallpaper in preparation. Something I learnt about myself during this is that I may be a slight hoarder, here are a few things I found under my bed whilst cleaning;

  1. A 5-year-old empty bottle of Malibu rum from when my friend and I were drinking in my bedroom and I was too scared to move the bottle and just forgot.
  2. School work from high school (I left in 2015).
  3. A permission slip from high school that I never handed in, again I left 4 years ago.
  4. An ex-boyfriend’s hoodie. I’ve not spoken to him for 6 years.

So yeah, I have a slight problem. Or I just need to start being more organised. I also have a mural on my wall from the previous owners which is supposed to be nursery rhymes but honestly, it looks like the souls of their enemies are trapped within. I have inserted a picture of the creepy wall because everyone needs to see it, people have very mixed feelings on the wall so please let know what you think!


I have finished all my university work bar one project and I am so proud of this because last year I was in such a tough place that it honestly felt impossible, this has helped me see how much I’ve grown because sometimes I forget and get mad thinking that nothing has changed! So here’s to hoping I got it this time around. I love the university and the course I am doing but it is such a weight off my shoulders to be at this point! This month has been my most productive one so far and I really hope the rest of my year is this way because I feel like I am really getting places!

How has your month been? Let me know in the comments, I love talking to you all and hearing about what’s going on with you. Thank you for reading and as always, I hope this year is your year!

I can’t wait for summer

Right, I get that we are barely into spring but after getting a sunburn in February (yay global warming) it got me really excited for summer, it is my absolute favourite time of the year. Now, don’t get me wrong I get the hype about the colder seasons, cuddled up in your best, fluffiest blanket, drinking tea and watching that one movie for the millionth time B U T I love summer because I do the exact opposite of that, I am a huge homebody, I am extremely introverted but the minute that the sun’s out I want to live outside and have the best time and I don’t even think about anything but how I am going to spend those months.

When I was in my early teens I hung out with a large group of people and we used to spend every waking moment of summer outside and honestly it was one of my favourite times, I had more freedom and learnt how fun it could be. But the summer I adored was in 2017,  Molly and I must have spent every day going out for lunch and drinks and just talking the days away and that might sound so simple but imagine spending every day with your best friend in the whole world not having a care in the world? Also seeing my nephew every day and having water fights whilst we sat waiting on his baby sister to arrive. I know I know it sounds so cheesy but summer makes me feel like I’m in some dumb teen movie and I hope I never lose that feeling.

This summer I will be turning 20 (honestly I’m not ready) and I intend on living it to the full with the people I love. 2019 is going to be my year and summer will be no different! There is just something about summer. The best part of summer for me is the improvement in my mental health, honestly, as soon as the sun comes out so does all my lost serotonin which always makes me so grateful for the time of the year. This time of year improves my mood so much, even writing this post I have the biggest smile because I am so ready for these new memories and starting the new chapter of my life that will be my 20s.

Does anyone else have really intense feelings for a time of year or is it just me? Let me know your favourite time of the year and why in the comments. I love reading what you guys have to say! As always guys, make this year YOUR year!

Simple Self Care Ideas


I absolutely love self-care, I am such a big believer in taking time for yourself to just feel your feelings and figure things out. Anyone that knows me will know I use any excuse to self-care and treat myself, which I personally blame Parks and Recreations for.

Here are some of my favourite self-care tips for when I’m feeling down that are super simple and everyone can do;

  1. Take a bath. Go run yourself the hottest, bubbliest bath ever, use your favourite bath bomb, out in your favourite playlist and just ignore the world for a while. 
  2. Read your favourite book again, I must have read Watching Edie over a hundred times at this point but there’s something about getting lost in your favourite book that just makes everything a little better. 
  3. FACEMASKS. Whether you buy them or DIY them facemasks are a staple in all self-care and my best friend and I swear by them when we are feeling down. 
  4. Do your favourite makeup look or wear your favourite outfit, spend the day feeling like your best self, there is no such thing as overdressed to go shopping, go big or go home! 
  5. Have a nap or have an early night, honestly, sometimes you just need to sleep it off and start a new day with a clean slate. 
  6. Call your bestie and talk about everything and nothing, there is no problem that a phone call to your best friend cannot fix. Sometimes it’s better to talk it out even if it seems trivial because there is nothing wrong with feeling your feelings even if you are slightly dramatic. 
  7. Turn off negative social media, block people, get rid of those toxic people. There is nothing wrong with getting rid of people or things that don’t impact positively on your life, there is a difference between constructive criticism and nastiness. 
  8. Rewatch your favourite movie or favourite show, go back and enjoy those moments that take you away for a while. Cry at the same scene or episode for the 10th time!

This next piece of advice is for anyone that needs to hear it; DO NOT CUT YOUR HAIR WITH KITCHEN SCISSORS, YOU DON’T REALLY WANT A BOX FRINGE, TAKE A MINUTE AND DON’T DO THAT. Please wait and get it done professionally. 

I hope these ideas help inspire you for the next time you feel a bit down, let me know your favourite self-care activities in the comments, would love to see how you all wind down! Carry on living your best life and I hope this year is your year and always remember, TREAT YO’ SELF, IT’S THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR!